Yeah, it's a silly title, what do you expect? I just got off work and my cocktail hasn't kicked in yet.
Most of you know that I've been in rehearsal for a show - it's my first musical in over a decade, and I'm ridiculously excited about it. It's not just the fact that it's a great part, or that I get to work with one of the most talented group of people I've ever been lucky enough to share a stage with. (Seriously, I'm not kidding on the talent part, these folks are freaky good!) For me, a large part of the excitement is that I feel like I'm finally FULLY back to who I am at my core.
Allow me to elucidate...
The last time I did a musical was 1999. I was (at that time) very happily married to Wyatts father, Wyatt wasn't conceived yet, John was in grade school and thriving, I was living in upstate NY, and working in a great job at the VA hospital. I had everything I'd ever wanted for myself - a family, a good career, and the ability to continue performing(even if I wasn't doing it for a living any more). At that point in time I was probably the happiest I'd been in my life. I didn't know it at the time, but that would be my peak for the better part of the early 2000's. Within 2 years I had been basically forced into moving to NC, away from my oldest child, was the sole means of support for our family doing a job I HATED, was in an emotionally abusive marriage that was falling to pieces around me, and had a beautiful little boy who was in the process of being diagnosed with a life long developmental disability.
When you have all that happening it makes the whole "I just want to sing and dance!" attitude seem a little frivolous.
So I put all that on the back burner. I did V-Day, which was really wonderful, and for a cause that I strongly believe in, but from a musical theater geek standpoint, it was kind of like being given an appetizer and then being told the kitchen is closed. I would drive around singing along with Broadway cast albums, get up at Open Mic nights, do karaoke, but it just wasn't the same. I got cast in a play last year, but had to give the part up because of an asinine bid for custody on Waytts fathers part.
It's not that I resent having to stop performing - the reality is that Wyatts needs had to come ahead of mine, that's the deal you make when you become a parent. So I took care of him, went back to school so I could earn more and provide for him better, bought a house because I wanted him to have a real home, and stayed in my marriage to Tim for probably a year longer than I should have because I didn't want Wyatt to be without stability (A stupid decision on my part, I'M his stability, I know that now).
But I'm past that now - Wy's doing wonderfully, John has started on his own career path and is also doing really well, I have a job that I love, I've got a Grove that is a second family to me, and I'm finally back to performing again.
My home is peaceful, my children are happy, and I FINALLY get to FULLY satisfy my creative appetite.
I'm going to put my fingers in my ears now, so when the shit hits the fan I won't hear it.