Wednesday, January 4, 2012

New Years Thoughts...

I've had a few things tumbling around inside my head for the past couple of weeks. Nothing major or dramatic, just some ideas about the things I want to work on in my life for the coming year, and it's occurred to me that one of the best ways to start the process would be to put these things out into the universe. So, since you're my friends, I love you, and you're remarkably tolerant of my various ups and downs over the past few years I'm going to lay them out here, in the hopes that you'll hold me to them!

1) I resolve to stop smoking again - this time for good. I was doing really well on this, I had quit back in March, and except for an occasional slip I wasn't smoking at all. But life threw me a few curveballs, and I started back up again. It's something I really regret, it affects my voice and my health, and it needs to stop. I'm not smoking as much as I was when I quit last time, so I'm hoping that this time will be a little easier.

2) Thanks to Mary Lea I realized that I've been wearing the wrong bra size for several years now! I finally had someone measure me, I know what my CORRECT size is, and so I'm resolving to buy better bras in the right size! I have 2 that fit me right, and the difference it makes in the way my clothes look is really nice. (Really, would you have believed I wrote this note if there wasn't at least 1 mention of my boobs?)

3) I'm going to continue losing weight. I've dropped 35 pounds this year - that's right, 35. I'm about 12lb away from my goal weight, I look better, I feel better, and I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in almost 2 years. I like the way it makes me feel to be thinner, and that leads me into....

4) I'm going to keep doing things that make me happy. Getting back into performing has been wonderful. I love being on stage, I love the friends I've made through the shows I've done, and I realized just how much I've missed acting and singing. I gave that up for far longer than I ever intended, and I had good reasons for doing so, but now that I've started again I don't ever want to stop.

5) I'm going to treat myself with the same care and compassion that I treat my patients with. I'm very hard on myself, I've always been quick to put my needs on the back burner, and I realized this year that I can't do that any more. I've said this about myself before, but when push comes to shove I fall back into old patterns and I can't do that any more, I'm too old for that crap.

6) I'm not going to any man any closer than arms length until he proves to me that he's earned a place in my life. It's not my job to rescue anyone, it's not my responsibility to be someone elses source of happiness, and I refuse to let myself get involved with anyone who isn't deserving of all I have to offer.

7) I'm going to continue to build on the co-parenting relationship that Wyatts father and I have begun to develop. We've been locked in a power struggle for the past 8 years, and a few months ago that started to change. We're communicating better than we ever have before, his attitude towards me has changed for the better, and it's having a positive impact on Wyatt. I want that to continue.

8) I'm going to let go of negative things from the past. Carrying around anger, resentment and hurt doesn't do anything but weigh me down. It cost me some of my spark and my humor over the last 6 months, and I'm just tired of not being the me that I know I am inside. Time to put that baggage down and walk away from it.

9) I'm going to speak my truth - say what I REALLY feel, be who I TRULY am, and stop trying to adapt myself to meet someone elses needs or someone elses idea of who I am. Again, that's something I let happen over the last year, and I'm just friggin tired of it.

10) I am going to be grateful, every day, for all that is good and positive in my life - my kids, my home, my career, my friends and family. There's too much that's good in my life to not take a moment every day and say a little prayer of thanks for all I've been blessed with.

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