I've been through a LOT this past year, and especially the last month, and it knocked me back a few paces. But I'm healing, and I'm starting to feel like I've got a good start on getting my feet firmly back under me. As my friend Meryl says (and she's known me for MANY years and through MANY life changes) I'm a Weeble. I wobble, but I don't fall down.
So I've been doing some heavy duty thinking over the past few weeks, some serious emotional and spiritual work, and I'm seeing past the worst of what's gone on recently, and taking stock of the things in my life that are good and positive.
My kids - I have two wonderful, handsome, healthy, smart, funny boys, and they are the most important people in the world to me. Being their mother is the best, most important thing I've ever done in my life, and I'm grateful every day that I have that privilege. John has grown up to be an incredible person, he's wise and kind, and is going to make a wonderful teacher. Wyatt continues to defy every limit anyone has ever tried to set for him - I know he's got some rocky years ahead, but we'll get through them, and he'll be just fine.
My career - I truly love being a nurse, and I'm really good at what I do. Starting the new job at Hospice was a HUGE change, it's totally different from anything I've ever done as a nurse, and I was really nervous the first few weeks, but I'm starting to settle in to the job now, and I think I'm going to really enjoy it. It's a little scary, but change always is, and as a nurse, you SHOULD be a little scared, what nurses do is too important to take it lightly. A little fear helps keep you sharp.
My acting/singing - this year was the first time in over a decade that I've done a musical, and I didn't just do 1, I did 2, and sang at the Air Show! I got the chance to work with both Theater Alliance and Twin City Stage, met some absolutely wonderful people, and have developed a whole new circle of friends from it. I'm so happy to be back on stage again, doing something that I love and that I've missed more than I had realized. Being in front of an audience, singing and entertaining people feeds my soul, and makes me a happier, more complete person.
My home - It's calm, it's peaceful, it's free of turmoil (and cat fur and litter box odor, and little turds under the couch or in the corners!), and the only messes I have to clean up are mine or Wyatts! I've rearranged things the way that feels right to me, I'm no longer tripping over someone elses clutter or half finished "projects", I have the whole bed, the closet, the dresser, and the bathroom to myself, I can watch whatever I want on TV, nothing gets put away in the wrong place in the kitchen any more, and my grocery bill is less than half what it used to be! I cook what I like if I feel like it, or I don't. I've spent the majority of the time I lived in this house sharing my space with a man (first Tim, then Chris), and I'm finding that I really LIKE having the house to myself every other week. I'm looking forward to planning my garden this Spring, planting some more flowers, and taking the time to really enjoy the place I live in.
My friends - I've been really fortunate to have some wonderful people in my life, and I'm so thankful for the love and support I get from them. If you're reading this you're one of those people, and thank you for being a part of my world.
My church - yes, you read that right, I said my church. I joined the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship this year, I've been going pretty regularly, and actually led a worship service in October. It's been such a positive experience, the people are wonderful, I get something of value from each worship service, and I've made some really great new friends. I'm still actively involved with Path of the Moon, but I love being part of the UU, and I'm feeling that this is the right place for me to be devoting more time and energy in the future.
I'm not completely through the healing process yet, but I think I am through the worst of it, and that's a really good thing. I'm sure there will still be a few rough days ahead, but the more I focus on what's good in my life, the less of a toll those days will take on me.